April, April. I want to make her a really worthwhile month.
See, I've always been a bit, well, you know, depressed. It was an affliction, really - seventh, eighth, ninth grade, nothing seemed to make me truly happy. But now, I don't know I don't know why, or how, but I feel so very optimistic and joyful, like I can take on the world. Last year, all the bad things that are happening (aka bad grades and even badder pianoing) would have crushed me, but now, now it all seems just like another lesson learned, another step taken, another mini-epoch of my life. I can - I can move on, now, and that's a really big and great and gorgeous deal to me. I feel like I'm growing for the first time, and nothing is more exciting than that. There's so much more to life than bad grades and dismal piano and stupid boys. You can work hard and get good grades and be wonderful at piano! (Of course, can't say much about the guys, but I've learned to ignore that too.) You can paint and draw and run and eat and play sports and bike and take walks and talk to your friends and laugh the night away and live!
I don't think I'm being idealistic, though. Before, I was really idealistic, dreaming of a perfectful life, and the fact that that never happened would get me down. But now, I've accepted the fact that life is crappy but you can go through it with a good attitude and work your best. And if you've given all you've got, then you can be proud of yourself for at least trying!
Yeah. I think that my depression that I had for three years - although it seemed to last for an eternity - is finally going away and is being replaced with this wonderful - amazing - beautiful - free - optimistic and happy attitude that I much prefer. There's a future ahead of me, and it's mine, and I'm going to make it happen.
So, April, here I am.